Walk Away
SS by Danielle

Standing here in front of her door…maybe it's better to just walk away.

Although, my legs won't move, and then I hear the giggles from inside the house, and my heart begins to break.
The giggles I know so well that light up my life, and make me smile even when I am down.

It's her laugh that makes me come alive.
With a new man in her life, and one that could give her what I can't…Happiness.

The tears glisten in my eyes ready to spill, and I realize that I can't show up like this…I can't just knock on her door out of nowhere.
I lay the dozen roses on her doorstep.
They are white ones…her favorite kind of roses.

I turn to leave with my hands in my pockets and my head hung down with only her on my mind.
She is happy, and I don't want to be the one overshadowing it.
That is all I ever wanted for her, and I can go on know that she is with some one that can give her what she needs.

I jump in the car and take a deep breathe to try to keep the tears from falling.
I finally start the car, and press on the gas.
The car is moving, and I have one hand on the steering wheel while the other is resting on my head trying to calm the headache that is now forming.

I ride down the streets of L.A, watching the sunset making the sky become darker.
I don't want to go to my apartment yet, and I just drive hoping my head becomes numb as the images of her beautiful face flash in my mind.

I look over at the empty passenger seat beside me, remembering how she used to sit beside and sing along to the radio, her voice filling my ears, and I feel the tears burning in my eyes from the memories.

Memories…that is all that I have now.
I feel her touch, stare into her eyes, touch her lips, caress her cheek, and hold her in my arms.
I close my eyes briefly then open them to see that it is already dark.

I look at my watch…12:00am
Once again I let her enter my mind taking over my senses, letting myself become drunk with the memories, and I can't stop.

I drive back to my apartment, murmur a hello to the security guard and scurry my way to the elevators.
I grunt heavily as I feel my head pound, the headache developing faster, and painfully pounding in my temples.
Fumbling with the key then finally opening the door to the cold apartment.

I strip of my cloths and kick off my shoes turning the bathroom light to wash my face.
When I am done, I grope in the dark to find the lamp switch.
I flip it on and as soon as the light fills the room, I see the figure sitting on my bed.

My breath gets caught in my throat, and my heart stop, but comes alive instantly as I see her face.

"Britney" I whisper.

Her hands were holding the bouquet roses that I left on her doorstep. She didn't look at me only stares at the roses in her hands. When she finally moves her gaze to me, I could see her red eyes and her tears stained cheek.

I walk over to her, and I feel my heart beating faster.
"Oh god, is something wrong? What happen?" I asked her, kneeling down in front of her with an urge to touch her face, but I keep still in front of her.

"No…nothing is wrong, everything is fine," she whispered.
I look into her eyes and see the hurt in them, I see the way she looks at me, and I try to fight back my own tears as I realize that I can't have the only thing in front of me that makes me complete.

After a moment of silence, she breaks it.
"I miss you," she said. I try to find my voice as she reaches out her hand and touches my face, tracing the circles under my eyes, cupping my cheek, and touching my lips softly.
I instantly become lost, and I close my eyes remembering her touch.

It felt so good to feel her palm move upon my face, and I brush my lips against her fingertips.
I then flinch away, moving my face away from her hand.
My actions leave her with more tears streaming down her face, and I regret ever moving away from her.
She then gets up from my bed, and I follow.

She is now standing in front of me, and I clench my fists to keep from touching her…soothing her…like she just did to me.
"I am so sorry…I shouldn't have done that," she says to me, but I don't regret her touching me…never.

"Do you miss me, J?" she asks looking into my eyes.
I can't stare at those brown eyes that are now hurting, so I turn away from her stare because I don't want her to see the tears now forming in my eyes.

'Yes, I miss you more every day. You are in my heart forever, how can I never miss you when you are away? When you aren't in my arms? You are the love of my life'

I say the words in my head, and then look at her telling her with my eyes that I miss her, that I want you here with me always, but I have a mind that won't let me say the words.

"Britney, you know that I will always love you. I think we should just move on, and just try to keep the memory of us locked away…just forget…"

"I understand, I should get going then," she cuts me off with her tears ready to spill.
My heart is breaking, and it's become harder to breathe and to speak.

'I love you and I miss you, but you deserve so much better, Brit'. I repeat those words in my head trying to convince myself that what I am doing is right even though it feels so damn wrong. "I just came by to thank you for the roses," she says pointing to them on my bed. "How did you know they were from me?" I asked her.

"Only you know that white roses are my favorite kind," she says with a small smile as a tear slips down her cheek.

I can't fight the urge any longer as I reach out and wipe the single tear away with my thumb, but she turns away quickly.

My hands begin to shake as I see her walking away from me.

I bite my bottom lip hard to stop the tears that are already coming down, and I wanted to stop her…I wanted her back.

"Wait Brit the roses…I want you to have them," I said taking them off my bed to give them to her.

"No, keep them, like you said we need to forget, and plus I am sure you have plenty girls in mind to give them to."

My heart stops as she quickly opens the door and walks out.
I throw the roses against the wall, and I feel the anger grow inside me.

The tears I have tried to keep back fall down my cheeks quickly, and I sit on the bed to try to compose myself.

There will never be another girl like her in my life.

She is the only one who knows me, and I just broke her heart again. I know she needs me just as much as I need her.

Forget… my mind is saying, but I know that it isn't possible, not when I am drunk with every memory of the beautiful women that just walked out the door.

Without her in my life…I am not the same, and I can't go on.

I walk over to the puddle of white pedals that fell apart when I threw them against the wall. Only one stayed with its pedals in place, and I picked up the single rose that was perfect...like her.

I then noticed the purse that I knew only belonged to one person lying on the ground. When I pick it up, I hear the knocking on my door. With the rose in one hand, I open the door, and I see Britney with her arms hugging herself and her face red from crying.

"I forgot my purse," she says to me softly.
"You also forgot one more thing…" I told her.
"What is that?" she asked looking down.
I take the step outside to the hallway where she was standing.

I lift her chin up, so I could stare into those brown eyes that I adore. "This," I whisper and I cover her lips with my own.

With one kiss I am able to make her go weak as she tenses up briefly, but then allows my arms to surround her and hold her as she melts into me. She then breaks the kiss, pulling away, but my arms still held her.

"You just said you wanted to just…forget," she said her voice cracking as she starts to pull away.

No…I am not letting you go this time.

I hold her firmly against me as I told her "I can't forget…I don't want to forget the times when I was with you, the times when I held you as you fell asleep in my arms, and those lips…god I don't think I can go another day without melting into them or melting into you. I don't want to forget the love of my life…my best friend"

"You were never good at forgetting," she said as she wrapped her arms my neck and kissed me again.

I break the kiss and take the single white rose that I held in my hand and let the tip of the rosebud trace every inch of her face.

She closes her eyes letting the scent of the rose fill her nose.

"This face is what I saw every night in my dreams…" I whisper to her. She touched the rose that lied on her cheek, and let it slip into her hand.

"Well now this night, you get to have the real thing," she said with her eyes glowing as I kissed her again.

I once walked away. Then she ended up in my arms and here we are kissing the night away.