Careless Mistake
by Kelli
Part 70
August 2006.......
Justin followed Britney into the doctors office at the hospital. She was so nervous she started to bite her nails so Justin reached up and pulled her hand down and held it.
"The doctor will be here in a minute," his assistant told them.
"Thank you," Justin said before she left the room.
Britney started to pace.
"Do you think they'll want an answer now?" she asked him.
"No, I'm sure they'll let us discuss this," Justin said, sitting in one of the chairs.
Britney nodded as she looked at a certificate on the wall. She turned when the door opened.
"Justin.....Britney, I hope I didn't keep you waiting long," Dr. McNabb said as he shook Justin's hand.
"No, we just got here," Justin said.
He shook Britney's hand and then introduced Justin and Britney to two other doctors.
"Let's have a seat over here, shall we?" he asked, pointing to a couch.
When they were all seated Dr. McNabb began explaining the discussion the three doctors have had concerning Chase's condition.
"Dr. Wellington is very good at what he does...." one of the doctor's said.
"You mean the surgery?" Justin asked.
The doctor nodded.
"So you agree if we try to drain the fluid and do therapy first that it would be too late to do the surgery if that didn't work?"
"There's always a chance that it would work......every case is different, but the probabilities are more in Chase's favor if he has the surgery first...."
Britney's breathing started to pick up a little and her leg started to bob up and down.
They discussed a few more things and the two doctors left Justin and Britney to talk to Dr. McNabb.
"When do you need our final decision?" Justin asked.
"I don't have a specific deadline, Justin but it's in your son's best interest to make a quick decision. Do you have any more questions about anything? You need to understand every option," he said, leaning forward a little.
Justin looked at Britney and she shook her head. She had been very quiet during all of this while she processed it.
"I don't think so," Justin said.
"Would you like me to give you a few minutes to discuss this now or do you need to go home and call me...."
Justin knew what Britney wanted......she hadn't changed her mind. He swallowed and shook his head as he lifted her hand off of her knee and held it.
"I don't think we need anymore time, doctor. We both want him to have the surgery."
Britney nodded.
"I want my baby to walk," she finally said.
He gave her a reassuring smile.
"That's what we want too. Dr. Wellington would like to run one more set of tests tomorrow, before the surgery so he's exactly sure of what he's working with and then you can schedule the surgery with his office. Here's his number," Dr. McNabb said as he jotted something down on a tablet of paper.
Justin took the paper. "Thank you.....for everything. It's been reassuring to have one doctor to try to explain everything to us."
"Well, it's been my pleasure. He's a special little boy and he's got a great family," he said as he stood up, which made Justin and Britney do the same.
"Thank you," Britney said as she shook the doctor's hand.
Justin shook his hand as well and the two of them left the room.
While walking down the hallway, Britney stopped in her tracks. Justin had to backtrack.
"What?" he asked, looking her over to make sure she looked fine.
"This is going to work, right?" she asked. "We made the right decision...."
He took her hand and nudged her to continue walking.
"Yes, it's going to work. We're making the best decision we can....."
She nodded.
~*~
The day of the surgery, Justin and Britney were nervous wrecks. They spent as much time with Chase the day before that they could....when he wasn't getting more tests done. Justin's mom had flown in and between her and Lynne, they were taking care of things at the Timberlake household. Mackenzie knew something was going on, but was too young to understand it so getting constant attention from her grandma's was a good distraction.
Britney's head rested against the back of the couch in the private waiting room at the hospital.
"I brought you coffee," Justin said, standing over her.
She lifted her head and opened her eyes.
"Thanks," she said, taking the cup from him.
He sat down next to her and she rested her head against his shoulder.
"How long has it been?" she asked.
"Two hours," he replied.
There was a knock on the door and then it slowly opened.
"I brought some donuts," Lynn replied as she entered the room.
"Thanks, mom," Justin said.
"Oh I see you got coffee. I was going to go down and get some," she said, setting the bag down on a table.
"You want me to go get you a cup?" Justin offered.
"No honey, you two stay here. I'll be right back," she said before leaving the room.
Britney didn't move. She stayed there staring straight ahead while she held the warm cup in her hands.
"You want a donut?" Justin asked.
"No.....I'm not hungry."
A couple of hours later, Bryan, Lynn, Justin and Britney sat in the waiting room. Bryan had flown in earlier that day to be with them and show his support to his sister and brother-in-law.
"I wonder if we can get an update," Britney said while she walked around the room.
"Go ask," Justin said, getting a little irritated.
"Fine," she said, leaving the room.
Bryan stood up and followed her while Justin stayed seated and rubbed his face.
"I'm going to find out how Mackenzie is," he said getting his cell phone and dialing his home.
"Brit," Bryan said as he jogged to catch up with her. "I'll go with you."
"Oh.....thanks. At least someone cares," she said before reaching the nurses desk.
"May I help you?" the attendant asked right before she realized who she was addressing.
"Is there any way of getting an update on how Chase Timberlake's surgery is going?" Britney asked, placing both of her hands on the counter.
"Let me see," she said as she walked over to a nurse.
"You and Justin okay?" Bryan asked.
Britney didn't look at him, but nodded. "Sure."
"It didn't seem that way a minute ago and ever since I've gotten here, the two of you have been really tense around each other....."
Britney turned her head to look at him. "Our son is being operated on, Bry.....we're both a little tense, period."
He nodded. "Sure....sorry."
The attendant came back over.
"There hasn't been any updates as of yet but nurse Kelly is going to see what she can find out for you and she'll let you know...."
"Thank you. We're in that waiting room over there," Britney said, pointing to the room.
The attendant nodded. "Yes."
"Let's go for a walk," Bryan said, linking his arm through Britney's and leading her to the elevator.
"Bryan.....what are you doing? What if the nurse comes back?"
"I doubt she will soon and we'll only be gone for a few minutes."
"Hi sweetie.....I miss you too," Justin said into his phone. "No, mommy's not here right now but when she gets back I'll have her call you, okay? Okay, put grandma back on the phone. Be good."
He continued to talk to Lynne for a few minutes.
"Tell her I'll be leaving in a few minutes to relieve her," Lynn said.
Justin repeated the message and then put his hand over the mouthpiece. "She said you don't have to, she's fine."
Lynn shook her head. "No, she wants to be here with her daughter just as much as I wanted to be here with you, I'm coming back there."
Justin chuckled and nodded. He wasn't going to get in the middle of it.
"There's nothing wrong, Bryan," Britney said as they sat down on a bench in the garden.
"I know you guys have gone through a lot of stress but this is really when you need each other the most...."
She bit her lower lip as the tears stung her eyes.
"We're just really stressed out.....at least I am. Sometimes he acts like, I don't know, he just acts too cool about things. He doesn't get upset....."
"Oh come on, Brit. The first thing I noticed when I walked into that waiting room today was how upset both of you looked."
"I think he blames me a little......" she said softly.
Bryan reached around and rubbed her back.
"He does not."
"Not a lot....just a little. If I hadn't gone to go pick him up at the airport, this wouldn't have happened," she said as she started to cry.
"Sounds like you almost blame yourself a little."
She didn't answer.
"Britney.....this is no one's fault except that guy who ran the red light."
She nodded as she wiped the tears from her face with her good hand.
"I wonder where they are," Justin said, looking down the hallway.
"Maybe they went for a walk or to get something to drink," Lynn said.
Justin closed the door and leaned against it.
"She's shutting herself off from me."
"Well, you two are going through a lot right now....."
"Ever since the accident...." he started by shaking his head, "she's been internalizing a lot. I mean we talk about stuff but I can tell more is going on in her mind. And I've been too mentally exhausted to try to deal with it."
"Once this surgery is over and Chase is on the road to recovery, the two of you will get back to normal...."
"I hope so, mama."
The doorknob started to turn so Justin stepped out of the way and watched as Britney and Bryan entered the room.
"You okay?" Justin asked.
Britney nodded and sat down on the couch while Bryan stood next to him and watched the two of them.
"Did the nurse come by yet?" Bryan asked.
"No....what did they say?" Justin asked, still looking at Britney who was looking at the floor.
"A nurse was going to go find out what she could....."
Justin nodded.
Lynn stood up and walked over to them. "Well, since you're back I'm going to go relieve your mama," she said touching Bryan's arm.
"No, I'll go.....you should be here," he said. "I'll let mama come here. I'm sure she wants to be here," he said, looking Britney's way.
"You sure?" Lynn asked. "Britney, is that okay with you?"
Britney finally tore her eyes away from the floor to look at Lynn. She almost acted like she hadn't been paying attention to their conversation.
"Yeah.....that's fine," she said softly.
"Good," Bryan said, walking over to Britney. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Everything's going to be fine. I expect a full report when the surgery is done."
She smiled up at him and nodded.
"Thanks, Bry....I love you."
"Love you too," he said, tapping her nose.
He gave Lynn and Justin a hug before he left.
"I think I might go take a walk. You two want anything?" Lynn asked.
"I'm fine," Justin said and when Britney didn't reply, Lynn picked up her purse and left the room.
The room was filled with silence as soon as the door shut.
Justin stood in the same spot and stared at Britney.
She stretched out on the couch and rested her good hand under her cheek and closed her eyes.
"Brit.....you okay?" he asked.
"Fine," she said.
"I mean are you in pain....do you need your medication?"
She shook her head.
"If you don't talk to me, we can't communicate....."
He finally walked over to her and knelt down in front of her.
"I'm tired, Justin."
"No, it's more than that....."
She opened her eyes and then slowly sat up, allowing him to sit next to her.
"I don't know what it is," she sighed.
"Just tell me what's going through your mind right now," he said. He wanted to reach out and touch her so badly right now but wasn't sure if he should at this moment.
"I.....do you blame me for what happened?"
"What?"
"For the accident......"
"Of course not," he said carefully. "I told you that before."
"But if I hadn't gone to get you...."
Justin cut her off. "That doesn't matter. There's a lot of ifs in this world....if this, if that. What if we hadn't run into each other that night at the club a little over three years ago?"
She looked up at him.
"Right? What if you had taken your birth control pills after your trip back here a couple of years ago?"
She blinked and her mouth started to frown.
"We wouldn't have our children....."
"Exactly. We can't think like that. I don't think like that, okay?" he asked as he gently took her face in his hands, being careful of her cuts.
She nodded.
He leaned his head forward and touched his forehead to hers.
"I love you so so much. Do you hear me? That love is what created these two wonderful children in our lives....no matter what."
She pulled back a little and looked into his eyes.
"And I love you so much," she said, blinking back more tears. "The thought of loosing you or....." she couldn't finish the thought as she shook her head, "it's too unbearable to think about. I'm so angry. I'm angry at everything around this," she said with a swipe of her hand. "The person driving that other car....me, for taking the route I took, you for being away, the stupid people who gave you that honor that took you away to New York," she said bitterly. "I have no right to be mad at any of that but I am....."
He caressed her shoulders.
"I know. That's only natural."
"My baby is being operated on....and all I can think of is that I wish it was me," she said, breaking down in his arms.
He cradled her and started to rock back and forth.
"You can't think that way......"
"But I'm strong, I could handle it....I would make sure that I could walk again....that I could dance again."
"Baby, do you know how much I need you to be here with me right now? If you were the one going through this operation right now I don't know what I'd be doing...."
They sat like this for a few minutes while Britney's crying subsided. Justin kissed the top of her head.
There was a soft knock at the door and when no one walked in, Justin stood up and answered it.
"Hi, I'm sorry.....I just talked to a nurse who is assisting in the surgery," the nurse said.
"Please come in," Justin said.
He sat back down next to Britney and entwined his fingers with hers.
"She said that the procedure was going very smoothly and that the doctor seemed happy with the way it was going."
"Any idea how much longer?" Britney asked.
"She was thinking that they would probably start closing up within a half hour...."
"Thank you for checking for us," Justin said before she left the room. "Good news, huh?" he asked, shaking Britney's hand a little.
She nodded and rested her head against his shoulder like she had done earlier that day.
"If you're tired why don't you stretch out," Justin said, grabbing her legs and pulling them up onto the couch.
She put her head on his lap and closed her eyes while he let his head fall back against the couch and said a silent prayer.